To all parents trying to figure out the middle school cell phone problem, just know there’s no perfect answer—unless we could time travel back to the 80’s. Since we can’t, we just do the next best thing.
For us, that means no social media in middle school. None. There’s no real need for it. Our older kids have already warned us: DON’T DO IT. PROTECT HIM. We’re listening.
So if your child says, “Everyone has Snapchat!” or “The whole world is on TikTok!” you can tell them they’re not the only one without it. My kid doesn’t have it either. In fact, he doesn’t even have a phone yet. When he does, the rule is that it can only have the same apps on his iPad—apps we’ve already approved.
And if you’re unsure about an app, think of the safest way for kids to use it. For example, no YouTube on the iPad or phone, but it can be watched on the TV where the whole family can see (though I don’t enjoy it myself). Google is only on the family computer. You get the idea. This plan has come from trial and error, because I’ve seen some things. And by things, I mean things I wish I hadn’t seen.
So basically, he’ll get a smaller version of his iPad that lets him call and text without Wi-Fi. That’s more than enough to make him happy.
Will he miss out on certain things? Yes, absolutely. And honestly, that’s a blessing. Just look at how grown adults act on social media—it can get out of control. Now imagine a bunch of middle schoolers in the same situation. It’s as bad as you think.
And I’m not going to spend all my days checking phones, chasing fake accounts, and tracking sneaky apps. I don’t have the time or the energy. A simple plan is best, especially for busy parents, which is most of us.
So if you feel alone or unsure, this is the plan that works for us right now. And remember—you make the rules for the phone you pay for. You can always change your mind. It’s not too late to pull back, even if it’s tough. But you can do tough things.
If your plan is working great and everyone’s happy, that’s wonderful. For us, this is just the best approach I’ve figured out in 2025. I’m still learning, and I’m grateful for the generation that went through middle school with social media first—they’ve shown us what works and what doesn’t. They’ve seen it all.
